who are you??

Nerves came in this morning (Friday! I love Fridays!) & said I shouldn't say dare desu ka.

"We say donata desu ka," she says. "Dare desu ka? is too direct. You often say dare desu ka. It sounds strange."

Oops, I think. This often happens in Japanese. I suck at the language. I just say whatever comes into my head. But there are many levels to Japanese & at work I shouldn't say dare desu ka. It's like saying "Who are you??!!"

"It's just my style," I said, & we both started laughing.

...

Last night I went to Shooters. I wasn't going to go, but then I ran into Manchy last night at the small eikaiwa I teach at. An eikaiwa is an English conversation school. They give me money to do what's easiest: speak English.

I was outta change so Manchy bought me a nomihodai. All-you-can-drink. What a great bud. Then we ran into E-chan. He was out getting drunk just like we would eventually do, but of course we didn't plan to. Just one. Yeah, right.

We all caught up. E-chan is doing well. Manchy is doing well. I am doing well. The whole fucking world is doing well. This brings me onto my next point:

Abundance.

...

I took some time & thought about this. I also went to pay my overdue Softbank bill & some other bills, like electric & gas. I'm wondering why in the hell my gas bill is going up when it's getting warmer.

I also checked out a website on abundance.

Basically, the law works like this. The Universe gives to those who already have. Yes, it's true. It's fucked up & not fair, but that's the rule. So, if you don't have, then how in hell are you going to become abundant?

That's the state I'm in now. Let's turn around, shall we?

Ok, I am abundant. We are all abundant. You, there, reading this now, are abundant. I'm looking at my life & I wonder how I could have so many great friends & how I could've met some of the most amazing people already in my life. And I have a great family. Yes, we are difficult. But we are so fucking unique it's amazing. And I could go on & on & on.

This is where I'm at now. This was not where I was at last year. It's abundance. The Universe rewards those who already have. So, I have. You there, too.

But I am thinking these days that the greatest gift of all is me. There's nothing else, really, that I need, & there's no one, really, that I need. Sure, I want. But I am beginning to sit back & look at things differently. Now, I'm relaxing in the background of my own consciousness, thinking "fuck, I have a lot of wants."

And that's me. Who are you??!!