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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

letting go of the ego

Last night I went for a walk. I felt it. I had been reading this book called The New Earth. It had me thinking about letting my ego go. So I went. I went & walked & felt like, yes, this is accurate. To become aware of the awareness - that's it. And it is in recognizing that you're aware, that you find the true you. The true you has always been there hidden under all the "other" stuff that define us. For me, that means my job, my love life, my friends, my family, etc.

But can we ever escape the ego? No. It's pointless fighting it. Just let it be. Let it go. Let it do what it wants. Mine right now wants to write. Hence, I'm writing this. What will my ego want to do later? That doesn't matter right now. I've already learned that tomorrow is a dream. My keyboard is sticky.

I think that's why knowing yourself is so important. Once you realize who you are, you see how the ego attaches itself to things. The ego is always trying to identify with something. For me recently, it has been on meeting girls. Before that, diet. Before that, weighlifting. Before that, drinking. Before that, work. There's always a before.

But does there have to be an after? I don't know and it probably doesn't matter. But the ego will move on to something else. I'm thinking I should just let it define itself & I can sit back and watch it go. My ego is still trying to meet beautiful girls. Lately my ego has been bored at work. It's thinking of going back to teaching. It's also wanting to write a lot more, maybe even everyday. If all of this sounds strange, get into Buddhism. You won't regret it.

Anyway on my walk I walked by the station, and looked into Starbucks. Wow, there's a Starbucks. I then started planning how I would come back in a few weeks time & relax & hang out. Maybe meet new friends. I'm trying a shift from the bar crowd to the coffee house crowd.

I then had one of those funny moments that happen in life that make your day. I was about to step into a crosswalk when a car of girls stopped & motioned for me to go. I don't like to rush, or make people wait, so I motioned them to go. They kept motioning me & I didn't stop either. We were at a deadlock. Finally I found myself moving my arms in circles looking like those guys at the airport. I had invented some new strange dance & we were all laughing once the girls decided to go first. That was fun. I was completely stuck in the moment then.

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